Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
