You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
