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i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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