So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I need to calm my uterus...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
