Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
