Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
