What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We got so high we made milksteak
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
