Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
