I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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