Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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