so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
