About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
