just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
