Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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