Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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