Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
