Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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