Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
