U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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