I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
