Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
