youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
