careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
