I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
