Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
