I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize