More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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