i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
