Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize