Duck Duck Cougar?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
