Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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