Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
