Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
