The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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