Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
