You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Holy sore nipples Batman
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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