also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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