so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
