Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
