Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
