he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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