He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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