I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
