I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
