We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
