he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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