Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize