Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
