if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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