two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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