Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
