you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
