My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
