I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Im part way to drunk.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
