So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
