Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
