it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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