my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
