sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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