I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
