I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
