i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
