I got chris browned last night
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
