OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
