idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
