Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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