Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
