so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
