I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
