I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
