It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
