its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
