What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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