I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
