'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
