I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
